VILLAINS - Don't be a lazy fuck

Villains! You either love them or hate them. Their entire foundation is to evoke some kind of emotion from the audience. Whether it’s horror, hatred or shock, if a villain can pull a reaction, they are a success.

But in a world of Moriaritys and Megatrons, there are creatures created with less deft hands that leave their intended audience scratching their heads in bafflement. If they do create an emotional response, it’s typically of disdain, if not outright mocking amusement.

“Bad” villains! No one really likes them, and if they don’t leave an impression, the story/roleplay session is absolute shite. Nothing ruins a story like a fucktarded antagonist.

But what are the earmarks of a crappy villain? How can we know when we’re confronted by a horrible villain character?

Luckily for you, dear reader, I have a pool of people to ask for ideas and personal encounters with shitty villains. I picked their brains, and they presented me with a bevy of applicable traits. With zeal, I present them to you now.

• Overt stereotypes – We don’t need them. No one needs them. If you have to rely on some cliché, maybe you shouldn’t be making a villain.
• Overuse of tropes – Having a trope or two to “elevator pitch” your character is all right, but if you have an annotated list of tropes that describe your character, what the fuck. Just stop.
• Ridiculous half-breeds – This is a given for any character, at its heart. Quit splicing everything together into some anatomically-incorrect fuckbasket. Half-demon, half-vampire, half-dragon, half-rakshasa, you cannot merge them all. You’d get a misshapen, gelatinous mess.
• Lore-fuckers – If you cannot find a feasible reason for your villain to go against long-established canon, don’t do it. I know villains tend to be antithesis to their creed or race, but that’s no excuse to completely mess with lore in order to produce your cuntweasel of a villain.
• SUPER LONG MONOLOGUES – It’s classic villain taste to occasionally go the way of the exposition. But if you War and Peace that shit, yeah, get out.
• Lack of evil deeds – Not much of a villain if you don’t accomplish anything, are you?
• Too much socializing/The Barfly – Telling heroes how much you’re going to vex them while swilling a Cosmo does not a villain make.
• Cheesy catch phrases – Unless you’re The Monarch, you need to fuck off with this.
• Super florid speech – You are not Iago. GTFO.
• “Talk big, walk small”/Bad Ass But Not – You threaten, and talk, and yammer, and spout, but when it comes right down to it, you’re the Little Debbie of the villain world. As I’ve said before, if you have to tell everyone how hardcore you are, you’re really not. And if you can’t back up your villainous oration, you can get back to the queue for the Tea Cup Ride.
• No background – WHY WOULD YOU EVEN GO ANYWHERE WITH NO BACKGROUND?!
• Lack of common sense – It’s not all that common, sadly.
• A dumb name – Snidely Whiplash works because he’s Snidely Whiplash. You are not Snidely Whiplash. Don’t even try.
• Overpowered/never lose or accept defeat – There’s no point in playing something if you expect to win all the time. This actually goes for all players, hero and villain (and anti-hero and vigilantes, etc.) alike. There are times you will not win. Invoking the Sue to metagame or godmode is righteously screwed up.
• No motive – See what I said about “No background” above.
• Telling everyone you see what your motive is – Why would you broadcast your heinous evil? You may as well just handcuff yourself or fling yourself into the Fires of Mordor.
• Labeling yourself as a villain – Why? Why? You just –  I mean – what’s the point?
• Has a “weakness” for love – What you can’t see is the expression I’m making. A real villain does not go calf-eyed over the twat he’s trying to kill. Maybe he’ll think of fucking her, but love? Ugh. Go sparkle somewhere.
• Moustache-twirling – That only worked in the old school Hanna-Barbera cartoons. You’re not a cartoon. Don’t do it. Caveat – if you’re an Old West card shark or debauched land owner, this may be acceptable. Other than that, not kosher.
• Situational “white knighting” – YOU’RE A GODDAMN VILLAIN. I DON’T CARE HOW NICE HER TITS ARE, YOU LEAVE HER TO DIE TO THE LIONS/FIRE/UNDEAD.
• Crappy accents – Just No.
• Unwilling to work on an Out of Character level with players – The cooperation between players makes for the best stories and plots. If you can’t talk to the people you’re attempting to terrorize, you may as well go wank off to your own shitty fanfic.
• Forcing actions onto players – So you’re playing a sadistic rapist. All right, but that does not give you the right to make the other player roleplay out an actual attack if they do not consent. Something that offensive and victimizing does not need to be done if the player is not comfortable with it. Having some empathy goes a long way.
• EVEN MOAR POWERFULLER FORM! – Okay, so you lost to the heroes. That does not give you the permission to whip out another, stronger version to resume the terror. That’s akin to a child’s “Nuh uh! I can control X, Y or Z, you don’t win!” Gracious losers get better reputations, which leads to more interactions.
• No weaknesses – Go choke on a dick, Mary Sue. No one wants you around.
• No audience approval – If people don’t like your villain, they’re not going to want anything to do with you. If you have done nothing but all the shit I’ve mentioned, people are not going to form a bond with your villain. They are going to make fun of it and throw rude gestures. Your interactions depend on your character, and characters that produce good emotional reactions in other players are the ones people want to continue being around.

Villains are not easy to make. They’re even worse to try and wriggle into plots. There are fine lines that should NEVER be crossed, and you should always be conscientious of them. Take a look at what makes a villain successful in media, and you will get ideas as to how to play your villain to success.

Professor Moriarity, Megatron and Magneto are excellent villains because of the traits they espouse. They are calculating, secretive, charismatic, cut-throat and have managed to carve out their own niches. Their reigns of villainy are long and marked with extraordinary schemes that catch their opponents flat-footed.

The Dursleys, Dolores Umbridge, The Joker and Loki are awesome at pulling emotions from their audiences. The best part about them, and the other aforementioned, is that each of these villains believes that what they are doing is right. They don’t see the wrong in their actions; they are acceptable responses to various stimuli. We as observers know their actions are wrong, but in their hearts, they are the protagonists. They are doing what needs to be done.

Characters like Dr. Horrible and Ozymandias straddle the rift between protagonists and antagonists (which is another ball of wax entirely). Dr. Horrible longs to be a villain (and join Bad Horse!) because he sees the wrong in the world. He knows it needs to be fixed, but it cannot be done glad-handing and following oppressive laws. Ozymandias, too, sees what is going wrong, and through his great intellect, understands that prolonged warfare between the countries of the U.S. and Russia would result in many deaths and greater tragedies. They took the hard option. They did what needed to be done, regardless the outcome, or blow to their reputation.

Those are good villains. Those are the men, women and things that serve as the drives for wonderful stories. There’s no joy or excitement in the hero being handed everything on a silver platter. They should have to work for it, against a capable and believable aggressor force. And it is your responsibility, as a villain player, to create that challenge and meet your opponent on a field not strewn with misapplied tropes and horrible accents.

I am 90.6% sure that other players enjoy having to work for their victories, and appreciate a well-presented villain. That last bit takes into account crazies who write crap concepts and run around with Mary Sues. It’s an awful percentile, I know, so don’t be a part of the 9.4%! WRITE A DECENT CHARACTER.

QUICKIE #3 - Exceptions

Online players like to state that there are certain concepts they don't want to interact with. Here's an example I ran across in Champions Online.

PLEASE NOTE: I will not play with you or acknowledge you if you are playing a demon, werewolf, elf or vampire. Play a different game more to your liking.

Okay, never mind that CO lore actually has canon instances of demons, werewolves and vampires; the Red Banner Gang has a quest where you're stopping them from summoning a demon, and the Vibora Bay zone is teeming with vamps and weres. Elves can be questionable, however it's not difficult to find a decent reason for them to appear in the CO world. But, in listing concepts you're going to outright ignore, without gauging the caliber of roleplay, you're doing yourself a disservice.

There are plenty of decent players who have concepts within those four. Yes, I'll be the first to admit that people can play them wretchedly, and they should be ignored if they can't be helped, but -- what the fuck, mate.

It's a super hero game, I'm sure you'll say. Those concepts don't belong in a comic book, super hero world!

I beg to differ. And here are canonical examples of comic book characters of those particular concepts! (It took me less than five minutes to find all of these. Pfft.)

Wolfsbane!

Malekith the Accursed!

Etrigan the Demon!

Vampirella!

So. Um. Yeah. I mean, you're entitled to your opinion, just like I (sure as fuck) am, but you could at least have a cognizant and feasible reason for not bestowing your majestic attention to certain people. End of day, though? You're screwing yourself out of roleplay.

GENDER - Stop being a bitch

Gender in the internet age is a funny thing. We’re redefining it on an everyday basis, throwing out old rules and penciling in new ones. Regardless where you encounter it, it remains an important fixture in communication and interactions.

Within the gaming environment, it serves as a giant, glaring beastie. Given that most games were tailored to a male audience for the longest time, the advent of the “girl gamer” as been a hot button issue in the recent past. There are websites and blogs a plenty about the mythological creature, jokes and memes and everything else under the sun.

But does it really matter?

In roleplaying scenarios, the greatest joy is being able to portray a character the player isn’t. In gender roles, this could be a male playing a woman, or vice versa. Given the predominance of males in roleplaying games, it’s not uncommon for that female Night Elf to be puppeted by a chap. In fact, the common joke is that “there are no women on the internet”, and that every female player one encounters is just a man in disguise.

The anonymity inherent in the ‘net makes this all too possible. People masquerade as something else, even on an out-of-character level. I’ve experienced it myself; a close friend from back in the day initially introduced himself as a girl. It was only after some time and a buildup of trust that he came forward as a young gay man. So for me, the “Big Reveal” isn’t all that surprising. People will go to any length to put out what they want people to believe.

This brings us back to the “girl gamer” cliché. The spectrum of flavors is numerous, but there’s one in particular that gets my goat like few things. The girl gamer who focuses on the “girl” part. I’m sure you’ve run across them, they’re not hard to miss. They make sure you don’t miss them.

(Use of “girl” is due to laziness more than anything. I’m not going to politically-correct myself. Fuck that noise.)

They are the players that make a great big deal over the fact that they are “real girls”. They understand the mystical power of female genitalia on the (typically) heterosexual male gamer populace. They go to any length to assert their femaleness over their friends, to the point that any goal or accomplishment they achieve is sullied by their gender. It should not be a bragging point, that you’re a female and you did X or Y and ha, look at how cute you are pwning some n00bs.

No.

These are players, especially in roleplaying games, who trade in hard currency their gender, rather than their talent. Their abilities to improv and story-tell is overshadowed by their tits and ass. Their cute, provocative “selfies” get more attention than the background stories of the characters they play. Because, really? They spend too much time telling everyone they know that they are really female (really!), than putting a well-thought out character with an interesting back story.

They abuse their gender to get their way. They use it to escape situations where normal repercussions for inappropriate behavior would see them taken down a few pegs. They assert their femaleness to drive home their side of the story, even if it has the truthfulness of the National Enquirer. They are a female, so therefore they deserve special treatment.

Mind you, guys do it as well, but they’re not conditioned to use their gender to one-up their opponents. However, in female-dominated games (as you may see in non-MMOs, like message boards or journal games), the “token male” is often given preferential treatment. I’m not a misandrist; it’s still annoying as fuck whenever someone makes a big deal about their gender.

It seems more common, though, for female gamers to play the gender card.

Which brings me back to my earlier query – does it actually matter?

We’re fucking roleplayers, people. What should matter are the characters we play and the stories we make. Backgrounds and tiny details to shape a character into more than a two-dimensional run-down of tropes and stereotypes. Having fun and making epic tales to reminisce about later on.

I don’t really give a fuck about the four hundred pictures of you that you’ve plastered all over social media. I don’t want to hear about all the “wild and crazy” things you do outside of RP time. I won’t pander to you if you’re having a bad day because your iPhone has been shit, or whatever other superficial shit might’ve happened. You’re pandering for attention.

If genuine awful shit has happened, I’ll offer sympathy. But if you, as a player, are more important than any character you roleplay, then you’re hollow. Shallow. Why are you even playing? Aren’t the character and the story supposed to be more important?

And especially, don’t fucking hide behind all the idiot males you’ve managed to shanghai when you fuck up. If you’re going to behave poorly, screw people over and cause drama, expect and accept responsibility and the fall-out that will happen. Don’t escape behind your feckless man-army. Cowardice is not an attractive trait in anyone. And if you spend actual time trying to fuck over someone’s game time because you feel slighted due to not getting your way, don’t expect me to do anything but laugh when it blows up in your face.

I believe in player equality. I don’t offer special treatment based on gender. I will behave the same towards female players as I do males. I generally only care about gender so that I use the proper pronoun when referring to said player. I care about the character you play. I want to see an intriguing and evocative concept. I want to feel inspired by your wordplay and details.

MINORS - Just no

In all my years, I can only recall three players who managed to pull off playing kids without triggering my squick reaction and my want of bludgeoning. Two roleplayed theirs in a LARP, and each lady had a thought-out and fantastic character. The other played his in City of Heroes, and his morals are without question (hi Shane!).

Everyone else needs to get the fuck off the bus.

The instances where it's okay to roleplay a minor are very few and far between. If the game itself is set in a genre only for characters of a certain age (Pokemon trainers, for example), or in a school setting (Hogwarts, Bayville High School) it's all right. If all the other PCs are minors, fine. If the player his- or herself is underaged, and APPROPRIATELY MONITORED, then that's fine as well.

But the minute you start sauntering your 14 year old into a club unchaperoned, you need a swift kick in the ass.

How many of you in your online MMO wanderings have come across some minor with the obnoxious attitude of a "Jersey Shore" cast member? Or an overly-sexualized little girl pulling her Lolita act in a club? I don't give a flying fuck if it's "just roleplay" or "not real". YOU SHOULD NEVER SEXUALIZE A MINOR. NEVER. EVER. There is NO justification for it. Don't fucking waste my time trying to justify why you have a little girl in fucking ass-floss sucking a lollipop. I don't give a fuck. I know exactly what you're doing, you appalling pervert.

There was a person who had an underaged character with the ability to absorb energy through her skin - or so his reasoning went, as to why this little girl NEEDED to be like 90% naked. Because, you know, more surface area for her to absorb energy, right? The guild I was a part of to witness this application shot the character down; thankfully, enough people were made uncomfortable when we saw this and voted no. It was readily apparent after several other applications, this (GROWN FUCKING) "man" had a penchant for underaged girl super heroes. 

This is the only appropriate costuming for a minor girl in comicdom.

The anonymity of the internet is a double-edged sword. It always seems to bring out the absolute worst in people, and in this instance, it brings all the pedophiles to the yard. Or the sickos who want to be a little kid and get fucked. I don't care if it's your sexual fetish and the roleplay isn't real and you would never, ever do that to a real child. The slope is slippery and no amount of apologizing will ever fix what harm you do to a child.

It is also not an excuse for you to roll up an obnoxious character to try and get away with that sort of behavior. One character that immediately pops into my head was one I saw in City of Heroes. An 8 year old boy who lost his parents, and SOMEHOW had the capacity to procure high-power firearms AND have the alcohol tolerance of a grown man. He tended to ignore any repercussions from people reacting appropriately to a misbehaving, swearing child in public. It is an 8 year old. While I'm sure some parents have taken their little one to the firing range, that does not mean they are Wyatt fucking Earp.

I know in this day and age, people are more reluctant to step in when they see a child being rude in public, because the parent in question sitting there placidly doesn't want to "irreparably emotionally scar" their spawn of Satan. It's not worth the aftermath of doing someone's job for them. But in a roleplaying environment, when the player is definitely known to be above the age of 18 (generally in their 20s), they should KNOW better. Don't cloak it in excuses, you just want to be a twatbasket and get away with it. Fuck you.

Child characters need to be handled by respectful, mature creators, if they are necessary at all. They are not toys to be played with. They are not your vicarious youth reborn. They are NOT your "SAFE SEXUAL FANTASIES", because minors should NEVER be thought of that way. Have I repeated that often enough in this post? If you honestly think that it's all right to view children as sex objects, go see a fucking shrink at your earliest convenience. You need serious help. 

I don't want your reasons. I don't care that "roleplay shouldn't be dictated" and I can't tell people who and what they can and cannot roleplay. I will report every single underaged character I see not actually behaving age-appropriate. I will utterly dismiss you as a player if your character is a minor girl jetting for her sugar daddy, or going out of your way to set someone up in disgusting ERP to fuck their reputation. Sure, that player was known to have a thing for Lolis, but lowering yourself to the level of deliberately goading him makes you just as reprehensible as him. 

You people disgust me. Go fuck yourselves and stay the fuck out of my games. There is NO place for you there.

MARY SUES - Or, wtf mate

Let's start with a wee definition:

A Mary Sue (sometimes just Sue), in literary criticism and particularly in fanfiction, is a fictional character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as a wish-fulfillment fantasy for the author or reader. It is generally accepted as a character whose positive aspects overwhelm their other traits until they become one-dimensional. While the label "Mary Sue" itself originates from a parody of this type of character, most characters labelled "Mary Sues" by readers are not intended by authors as such. Male Mary Sues are often dubbed "Gary Stu", "Larry Stu", "Marty Stu", or similar names. 

While the term is generally limited to fan-created characters, and its most common usage today occurs within the fan fiction community or in reference to fan fiction, original characters in role-playing games or literary canon are also sometimes criticized as being "Mary Sues" or "canon Sues" if they dominate the spotlight or are too unrealistic or unlikely in other ways. One example of this criticism is Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Granted, I got this from the Wikipedia entry about the item, but I feel it gets the general gist out there for those unfamiliar with the term. The media is chock-full of the demented sprog babies we call Sues, and under no circumstance should they be tolerated.

Why don't we like Mary Sues? Because they break all the laws of reality and realistic characters. They are generally mutant offspring of ideas that, apart, might have been okay but mashed together create an abomination. Ninja? Okay. Princess? All right. She-elf warrior? Sure. Embodiment of some kind of deity? Sure, we can give that a pass, too. But a ninja princess she-elf warrior embodiment of a deity? Fuck naw, son.

But before I go further, let me bring up something that can sometimes be confused as a Sue - the author insertion character. The difference between a Sue and AI is that the AI is generally not an extraordinary person. They are simply the creator's persona put into the story/RP scenario, whose points of view and morality hardly differ from said creator. Some new writers do this (Christopher Paolini's "Inheritance" series has the main protagonist as author insertion), because development of an intricate and interesting personality not their own is not easy. The creator could also be more comfortable reacting in a familiar vein to themselves, so they make a character akin to them. It's not a bad thing to do; it can serve as an easy way to introduce a newbie into RP, or allow a new writer to focus more on the story.

A Sue could even start as AI, and devolve from there into some malign creation from the Nine Hells. The best example of this that comes to mind is Anita Blake. Laurell K. Hamilton's series about the necromancer-vampire hunter begins innocuously enough; an author insertion character who encounters the strange and mythological. However, over the course of the novels Anita acquires more powers and dives headlong into pure Mary Suedom. Let's go over how she progresses, shall we?

She begins as a modestly-able necromancer, capable of summoning zombies through rituals. She's an excellent marksman, and has a black belt in Judo. Fairly typical individual here - she is not overpowered, and is, aside from the necromancy, a normal woman. By the most recent novel, she has acquired:

- Several marks from her vampire "master", which grant her superhuman strength, durability and healing powers
- A need to "feed" off the energies released during sex
- Several strains of lycanthropy, yet isn't a wereanimal herself
- The ability to call to several animals, including leopard, tiger and wolf
- The ability to control vampires, depending on age and ability
- A vampire servant nearly a millennia old, included in her own triumverate separate from the one she has with her first vampire
- Is considered the "queen" of the local wereleopard group, though she isn't one
- Can also "feed" off her "incredible anger"
- Used the ardeur succubus power to enslave a werelion
- Eventually defeats the progenitor of all vampire-kind

On top of all of this, the woman has like a dozen people she's fucking/ed, because people keep falling in love with her. If I had an award for the biggest Mary Sue in modern literature, I would personally hand it over to LKH. Admittedly, she'd be in the running with Stephenie Meyer's Bella and Charlaine Harris' Sookie. Maybe we can have a death-match between the three of them?

Did I mention she also fucked a swan king in bird form? Yeah. Swanfucker.

Now that you have an example of a Mary Sue, let's start a list of things that can help you identify whether you have inadvertently created a Mary Sue, or how to avoid them in roleplaying situations.

You May Have a Mary Sue If . . .

. . . the character possessed two or more unique traits (goddess demon, ninja princess elf)
. . . is of a race that cannot exist or a hybrid of wretched ratios (angel-demon, werewolf-dragon-vampire)
. . . has more benefits than flaws that makes them unrealistic
. . . has more than three college degrees and is in their early 20s (NO, YOU ARE NOT TONY STARK)
. . . has a handicap, that isn't actually a detriment to their daily life
. . . he or she has some flaw, but it's so minimal and superficial it compensates for naught (frivilous clumsiness comes to mind)
. . . the character is an expert in several martial arts that take years to master
. . . the character is *beautiful* and just everyone should know at all times
. . . he or she can down more alcohol than a rugby team, is a size 0, and feels no effects
. . . he or she is chased after by too many individuals of their preferred gender (and is not Tenchi Masaki)
. . . he or she is over-powered to the point of base comedy
. . . he or she must be important to practically everyone they meet
. . . the character has to be the center of attention in all social gatherings
. . . the character has the worst case of DiD(iD) you may ever see
. . . they are the last of/most important member of/only member of a group or race
. . . they are completely perfect in any way ("She never even farts!")
. . . the character has a SUPER IMPORTANT DESTINY they alone must fulfill
. . . he or she can win at whatever endeavor they engender, without assistance, and sometimes without getting a scratch on them or injury of any kind
. . . he or she has been granted divine powers from portfolios totally opposite of one another
. . . he or she has canon-character parents, who have never before had any kind of relationship, or comes from an impossible relationship, or is the secret child of a canon couple that was hidden away
. . . the character has hair/eye colors completely out of place and improbable for the race they're from
. . . the character talks about the aforementioned unique features at the drop of a hat, for no reason other than to point out how unique they are
. . . the character possesses some rare magical artifact/weapon that they alone can wield, that has no negative effects on their person
. . . the character is filthy, unbelievably, ungodly rich with no real reason, and without the benefit of a team of accountants or lawyers
. . . he or she possesses the rank or position within some organization (military, police, a business) with no prerequisite experience or training ("Our new CEO is only seventeen! And her hair is perfect, though the oddest shade of sea foam green . . .")

-- There are probably many more, but I decided to stop myself before I become even more of a hate-monger.

Do yourself the favor and skim over your character before you release it into the wild. Making a unique and interesting character is not a sin, but if there aren't any flaws to it, or nothing you can work on over the course of the story or roleplay, then what's the point in playing it? Perfect characters who can accomplish anything are dreadfully pedestrian and boring.

The best characters are flawed (Tony Stark's drinking problem, Gregory House's acerbic personality and drug abuse, Batman's insufferable bastardy, John Critchon's token human-ness, Aang's inherent pacifistic nature, Michael Westen's humanity), which allows people to form emotional attachments to them. You can't click with someone who has no flaws, doesn't screw up and never fails - life isn't that way, and seeing something/one like that automatically makes us detach from it. If there's no struggle for a character to overcome, no dramatic tension for a build-up, you will lose your audience and will have wasted your time.

Don't make a Mary Sue. Fanfictions are stuffed full of the things, and they occur enough in roleplay that you need a proverbial machete to cut through them all to find the diamonds in the rough. A Sue can be salvaged, but if they dwell in the oubliette of Mary Suedom for too long, there's nothing that can be done for them except pass them over to the Saints (as pictured above).

Oh, I'm wrong. We can mock the fuck out of them. They deserve it.

NAMES - First impressions, people

So we'll start off with this classical nugget:

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose / By any other name would smell as sweet."

- Romeo and Juliet, (II, ii, 1-2)

Everyone knows that one. The point being made there, is that regardless of what it's called, the rose would still be a rose. Nothing changes that. Or, you could use this example from the delightful video game called Borderlands 2:

However, when it comes to characters for either works of literature, or roleplay, names are very fucking important. You can't be rolling around with a shitty name and expect people to take your character seriously.

Therefore, let's move to Things To Avoid When Naming Your Character.

Shit That Doesn't Match the Genre

If you're developing a character in, say, a modern setting, go root through the infinitesimal baby name sites abounding in the internet. You should find a good given name if you cruise through those. Surnames can be found in a similar way, like searching genealogy sites or phone books. Extra points if it sounds like a name you might run across in a newspaper, or as a coworker.

What you're keeping in mind is that during the 20th century, a lot of names have gone out of fashion. And numerous other names just sound fucking goofy. Would you really run across a person named Legolas while at Starbucks? And aside from Joaquin Phoenix's brief stint as Leaf, hippie names have gone the way of the dodo. Selecting a name that's that dated will only cause eye rolling and derisive snickers.

In the same vein, there are modern names that just will not work in fantasy settings. Biblical names, for one, have no precedence in the Tolkien world. There's not going to be a hobbit named Moses or Abraham, as Hebrew does not exist linguistically. There are just as many websites dedicated to elvish or Tolkien-esque names out there as there are for modern baby names. Research™!

Race Matters

Unless it's within your character's background that they were raised by a race not their own, there's no damn reason they should have another culture's name. I know it's chic nowadays to utilize certain names derived from foreign languages, but throwing some elvish name on a human child is just ridiculous. You wouldn't see an elvish child given a dwarven name, right? Klingons don't pick human names, and Asari stick to their own linguistic background, even though the "father" of the child is from a different race.

Tacky Fucking Clichés

Okay. All you jerkwaters that throw around Dante, or Jezebel, or Lilith, this is to you. These names have been overused to the point of them committing seppuku any time they're said aloud. Flower names are also right out. And Japanese names on Caucasians, go fuck yourself (unless you have a splendid reason for it.) 

Bizarre fucking spellings won't cut it either. Lylith is just as annoying, and so are the hundred iterations of Cain. And don't you dare try to justify naming your character Sephiroth. And natural weather occurrences barely even work in Final Fantasy, don't try that shit anywhere else. 

Characters given these weird names are often Mary Sues. In fact, these names are often dead giveaways for being able to tell if the character is a Sue, because originators who craft Sues are prone to trying for the "very unique" in names. What comes of it is something not at all unique, and more glaringly vapid. Beneath the veneer of the Jades and Jasmines and Cherrys of the RP world are two-dimensional chunks of boring with nothing enticing to speak of. And all the Chastitys and Charitys somehow wind up being strippers or dominatrices, or modest girls somehow turned into the bastions of all things feminine and over sexualized. 

Stealing Copyrighted Names

Just no. There's only one Drizzt. One Aragorn. One Luke Skywalker. Taking a pre-existing character and making superficial adjustments to clear it of its origin source is just as wrong as people stealing artwork and photoshopping it to try and make it their own. People will always know, and they will fry you for it. Your best bet is leaving the name alone and trying harder to come up with something more original. But if you're truly dead set on naming yourself Alucard, don't expect the fangirls to be lining up to interact with you.

Shit You Should Keep In Mind

If you're having trouble coming up with a good name set it on the back burner and delve into the meat of the character. Sometimes it's helpful to think of his ethnic background, or her social standing during childhood. Were his parents religious? Was she raised by family, or orphaned? Are the parents of differing cultures, or how old were they? Could said parents have been influenced by the pop culture of their era as children? Were they traditional, or avant garde?

Some of the best character names through literary history are simple. They keep pretension out of the flavor entirely, and somehow create something memorable. Let's look at these examples.

- Clark Kent

- Peter Parker

- Bruce Wayne

- Scott Summers

- Oliver Twist

- John Constantine

- Jason Bourne

- Dominic Toretto

- Marilyn Monroe

- Dorian Grey

- Richard B. Riddick

- John Shepard

- Duncan MacLeod

- Tony Stark

- Tom Sawyer

- Steve Rogers

- Michael Meyers

- Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan

- Frank Castle

One thing you'll see is alliteration. The repetition of certain sounds is appealing to the English-intoned ear, so with certain names with alike sounds, it rolls off the tongue. Repeated consonants work best.

There's also nothing extraordinary about the names, if you look at them separately. There are tons of Steves. And Rogers isn't all that exciting. Together, it sounds like a perfectly average guy, who may work at a desk and have a collection of model classic cars. One wouldn't expect for him to be Captain America, right?

Even Bruce Wayne sounds terribly ordinary. It's a name that fits a canny business man who inherited more than a few silver spoons. It's iconic together now because of who it is in comics, but if Batman didn't exist, it'd be just another name.

And that's the point I'm trying to drive home. Perfectly ordinary names made exemplary because of the character behind it, not the name. The name is just the doorway, a selling point to get started and build off of. The character could be excellent, but if they're given a shit name, the whole flavor gets ruined. 

Conversely, a character could have a decent name, but the concept is absolute trash. Edward Cullen, for example, is a good name. But when it got attached to a stalking, immortally-cold sparkling virgin, it was ruined for all time. Don't get me started on Bella. Just don't. 

As it stands, gentle reader, before deciding on a name for your newest creation, keep these things in mind. If you're not sure about a name, ask a friend who doesn't roleplay how they feel about it. If they give it the thumbs-up, you're good. If they point out it's goofy, hit the drawing board again. Many fellow roleplayers can be somewhat lax about names, given their exposure to crazy names on a daily basis. But mundane people aren't so used to weird names, so their reactions are generally more on the spot. Don't be afraid to ask for constructive criticism. That's the only way to get better.

Tribute VS. Theft

The line is there. It's visible to pretty much everyone but the person making the character, unless they're a selfish ass who's hoping to get away with whatever they can.

Making tribute characters is fine. It's roleplay, and sometimes beginners need some training wheels to work from. We all started somewhere, and playing a familiar concept can be a great way to getting your RP toes wet.

But outright character IP theft is a big no-no. You may as well just be playing that character, and not trying to hide it under a coat of gaudy paint and poorly Bedazzled™ faux-rhinestones. People will ultimately know, and you'll just look like an ass.

An example:

- A British woman of aristocratic blood named Victoria Devonshire, with dark hair who specializes in Egyptology and runs afoul of a sect of Set-worshiping crazies.

OR

- A British woman of aristocratic blood named Lana Croft, with brown hair and an immense set of hooters who specializes in looting burial sites and runs afoul of whatever villain-of-the-month she can.

The first seems perfectly acceptable, right? You can see where the player was influenced by the "Tomb Raider" series, and wanted to take their own hack at it. That's a tribute character, where you can see echoes of some other source, but it's not a direct rip-off. The second is just a plain theft, with a letter change to try and fool the inattentive.

Where it gets REALLY messy is when one player is making a tribute of another player's character. Maybe Player A just really liked Player B's concept, or B stopped playing the character and A wanted to try the concept for themselves. Using the aforementioned formula for developing the new character is fine; people familiar with the source would probably see the similarities, but your average player won't know a thing.

But the second example often rears its ugly head. Things are snatched that oughtn't be, or worse yet, Player B is totally unaware of what A has done, because A never asked for permission.

That's a personal peeve -- doing something in RP, in regards to another's character, without making sure the other player is aware/consents to the action. Consentism in RP is a topic for another day, but in this instance you are toying with the heart and soul of another person's creation. I'm sure you would hate to know someone ripped off a concept you spent so much time creating and building up. Why would you do it to someone else?

Common sense rules, folks. Always remember.